


No One Ever Said Forgiveness Was Easy

by Schizzar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angsty Schmoop, Blow Jobs, Dom/sub Undertones, Felching, M/M, Necklace Fic, Rimming, Spanking, Threesome - M/M/M, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 06:42:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schizzar/pseuds/Schizzar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam knows he fucked up. A lot. But he doesn't realize how much until Dean casts aside the necklace, like it was useless, like he was useless. He's got a lot to be sorry for, but maybe he's been asking for forgiveness from the wrong person the whole time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Ever Said Forgiveness Was Easy

**Author's Note:**

> I do make references to the Pizza Man Porno before it actually happens so I twisted that bit of canon around. Hopefully you'll forgive me.
> 
> Also my tumblr is schizzar.tumblr.com if you are interested.

Sam knew he had fucked up. Drinking Ruby's blood, starting the Apocalypse, all great reasons to hate him, hell he hated himself for what he had done. But watching Cas give the amulet back to Dean, like it was useless...it hit him like a punch to the stomach.

It was like Cas was admitting he didn't have faith in Sam, which was ridiculous, because dammit, it was just a necklace that Sam happened to give to Dean. It wasn't like it was his fault God didn't care, that God couldn't be found. But for some reason, watching Cas hand the necklace back, it made his heart clench with something like guilt.

It only worsened when Dean threw it away. He heard it hit the plastic bottom of the waste can, felt his heart drop into his stomach. And Dean and Cas? Just walked away. Didn't give him a second glance. Didn't think, didn't care, what their actions were doing to him.

And on some level, he supposed he was selfish. He had messed everything up for them already, why should they feel bad if they hurt his feelings? It wasn't like they owed him anything. It wasn't like he deserved any of their kindness.

So he didn't say anything, only spared a moment to stare at the amulet sitting alone in the bin before following after them.

 

-.-

 

Sam was a Winchester. He had the act of repression down to an art. They continued trying to stop the Apocalypse, and he continued to push his emotions deeper and deeper, trying to pretend that Dean still trusted him, pretend that Castiel actually cared about him, which was really a stupid thought anyways. Castiel had never really liked him, so why would that change?

And why was he still caring about a stupid amulet? He doubted Dean and Cas attached the same sentiment that he did, and it was foolish to think that they would.

"Okay Sammy, we're going to talk," Dean said, tossing his bag on his bed before grabbing one of the rickety chairs and swinging to sit down in it. "Sit."

Sam sat down on his own bed, eyes glancing around the room before settling on Dean. "Okay, sitting. What do we need to talk about?"

"You. And your....emo-tastic mood," Dean said, waving a hand dismissively at him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sam said, reaching over to his bag and pulling out his laptop before moving to sit down at the table across from him. He opened it up, pulling the files he on the horsemen lore. Sure, he loved Dean, and yeah he was usually the person to want to talk about all the emotional crap but this...was different.

"Bullshit," Dean said. He slammed Sam's laptop shut, narrowly missing his fingers. "You've been acting like a god damned girl for _weeks_ now. What the hell has gotten into you?"

Sam leaned forward, running a hand through his hair as a sigh blew out from between his lips. "It's nothing Dean."

"You can repeat it all you like, Sammy, doesn't change the fact that you're still acting like a bitch," Dean said, leaning back in his chair so it was balanced on the back two legs.

"Dean, I really don't want to have this conversation," Sam said, voice tired. He'd give anything not to have that talk.

"Well maybe you should've thought about that _before_ you started acting weird," Dean said. "Your skills of repression are lacking."

"Seriously, drop it," Sam said. "I'll fix my attitude or whatever, just drop it."

When Dean straightened and stilled, Sam realized it was the wrong thing to say. "You know, no matter how bad the fights between you and Dad got, you never thought of changing to make him happy. So what's wrong, Sam? What did I do to convince you that changing yourself is easier than just telling the truth?"

"Jesus Christ, Dean, don't give me that," Sam said, unable to keep the anger out of his voice as he got to his feet. "You would _love_ for me to change back into the baby brother that listened to every word, every command that you gave. Newsflash, Dean. I can survive just _fine_ on my own. I had to. Twice. In case you forgot what happened with Gabriel." He began to pace around the room, gaze flickering everywhere but where Dean sat. "But you know what the weirdest thing of all is? Just because I _can_ survive without you doesn't mean I want to."

Finally, he stopped, staring at the motel door with something akin to fear clenching in his chest. He was waiting for Dean to tell him off, waiting for Dean to say that he didn't trust him, didn't really want him around. Because even if he rarely said it, Sam knew it was true.

"First off...what do you _mean_ by twice? Pretty sure I only died once," Dean said.

"Oh. Right. Forgot that I never told you," Sam said. He pressed his forehead to the door, leaning against it. "I asked Gabriel to let us get passed the stupid Tuesday. So he did, but you still died. And I spent 8 months without you, hunting. Then when you died again? For good? Another long ass year."

Dean didn't say anything for a long moment, the only sound being him shifting in his seat. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't seem important," Sam said.

"We are totally coming back to this, but there are other things we're dealing with first," Dean said. "Sam? Turn around and look at me."

Sam clenched his jaw tight, but then obeyed. Dean was leaning forward on his knees, his gaze locking with Sam's and not letting go.

 "You fucked up. The whole business with Ruby? Stupid. To some extent, I find it hard to trust you, but I'd still rather have _you_ at my back than anyone else," Dean said. "Yeah, I wish you'd obey me better, but you're right. You've got more experience under your belt than what I thought. Maybe I need to start trusting your judgment more."

Sam shook his head. "That's a nice sentiment. But you lost your faith in me and I doubt I'm ever getting it back."

"You don't know that," Dean said.

"If there's one thing I know for certain, it's that Dean," Sam said. "Now can we drop this?"

"Yeah. I guess we can."

 

-.-

 

Sam was used to having nightmares, but ever since the talk he had with Dean, they got worse. They centered on the stupid necklace, on the possibility of Dean dropping Sam on the side of the road as easily as he dropped the necklace in the trash. It made him angry and sad all at once, but he did his best to lock it down even tighter.

That almost made it more noticeable though. He went about their hunts like a machine. Quick, easy, no bullshit. He caught Dean staring at him on more than one occasion with a guarded look in his eyes. In a way, it made him even angrier. Too much emotion? Dean got pissed. Too little? Dean got pissed. The inability to win the other hunter's trust back made him want to put a bullet through his brain, and he almost would, if the stupid ass angels wouldn't resurrect him.

So instead, he locked it down all the tighter and hoped it would get better.

 

-.-

 

"I just don't get it," Dean said, pacing.

Cas sat in one of the motel chairs, gaze tracking the hunter across the room as he moved. "I am afraid I don't understand the question."

"Sam," Dean said. "He's turned into some sort of...machine. Won't talk to me, won't look at me, just does his research and kills whatever we find." Like now, staying up at the library past closing so he wouldn't have to be with Dean for the rest of the night.

"Are you worried he has lost his soul?"

Dean paused, giving him a puzzled look. "No. He definitely has one, prissy little bitch he keeps acting like. I just don't know why. He won't tell me."

"You lost faith in him, did you not?" Castiel asked. "After he sided with Ruby."

"So did you!"

"Sam does not care what I think of him. You are his brother. To have your family lose their faith in you is damaging. Perhaps he is just trying to get it back," Cas said.

Dean sat down on the edge of the bed across from the angel. "Speaking from experience?"

Cas stared at him, but with all the time they spent together, Dean was learning just what each stare meant. This one being that Castiel was feeling something painfully human that usually was remedied by a hug and a cuddle, and on some occasions, a good, long fuck. Sighing, Dean extended a hand, which Cas grabbed eagerly. Dean pushed himself further up the bed, drawing the angel down to lie beside him, tucked against his chest.

"So you think that's really it? He's trying to prove to me that he's worth keeping? He's my brother, of course I'll keep him."

"You pushed him away once, what's to say you won't again?" Cas moved even closer, tucking his face into the crook of Dean's neck as the hunter's hands rubbed up and down his back. "You are all he has. If you reject him, there is nowhere for him to go. When my brethren rejected me, at least I had you. It makes the pain easier. There is no one to ease Sam's."

"He wasn't this upset earlier though. He only got pissed when we realized God wasn't coming. If he's gonna yell at anyone, it should be the big man, not me."

"Do not call my father the 'big man'. He commands more respect than that." Any other time, the words would have been full of righteous anger, but now they were tired, and half hearted at best.

"Cas, your Father is a dick, God or not."

"I should smite you for such blasphemy."

"Nah, you love me too much."

Cas made a noncommittal noise, a noise Dean knew meant that he agreed, but was still not quite willing to admit it. And that was a whole other can of worms Dean wasn't going to open.

"Either way, I don't get why God being a douchebag makes him flip out and think I'm going to ditch him."

Cas tapped his chest. "Perhaps it has something to do with this."

Dean glanced down. "With what?"

"The necklace, Dean, you are not wearing it any longer. It...was important to you, was it not? Sam gave it to you, and you never took it off. But now you don't wear it."

"Well...it's useless now," Dean said. "It won't help us."

"It is something you wore no matter what. When you threw it away, perhaps it was a physical manifestation of his greatest fear. He saw you throwing him away, not just the amulet."

Dean frowned, then tugged the angel back to be tucked against his neck so he wouldn't have to look into his piercing gaze. "Why..."

It made sense though. Sam didn't have much to cling to after Ruby, and maybe seeing a physical sign that Dean still cared was the only thing keeping them together, keeping Sam there. He supposed it was something Sam would cling to. He felt the loss of the necklace, he missed the familiar weight and the comfort it brought him. Clearly he didn't feel it as strongly as the younger did, though.

"Guess the only question I have left is how _you_ picked up on that when I didn't."

Cas chuckled, the sound quiet, and a little foreign. Dean could count on one hand how many times he had heard the angel laugh, though he guessed it would happen more often as Cas became more and more human. "I have spent eternity watching humanity. I'm well versed in human emotion, or at least what causes it. Feeling it...is still new."

Dean's lips brushed over Cas' forehead. "Well thank you for that fountain of wisdom." He rolled onto his back, Castiel moving with him and stretching out like an overgrown cat across his chest. "So what do we do? It's not like I can go back to that motel and find the damn thing."

"Prove to him that you love him as you used to," Castiel said.

Dean tensed beneath Castiel's solid weight. "What do you mean?"

"Dean, I have watched you for years. Before Hell, you and Sam frequently engaged in sexual acts with one another. I imagine he has felt your physical loss since you came back and did not resume such activities. The necklace, and my presence in your life, doubtlessly made him feel worse. Perhaps he needs a physical proof of your love," Cas stated.

"Cas, that sounds like the opening to a friggen porno," Dean said.

"Maybe he still feels guilty and punishment would make him feel better. The babysitter felt better when the Pizza Man was done."

"Cas, I am not using _porno_ logic to help solve my brother's emotional problems," Dean said.

"I do not see why not. Such things are created to appeal to a human's basest desire. Your brother misses your sexual interactions and still feels guilty for his betrayal. It seems to fit the babysitter and Pizza Man situation perfectly." Cas pushed himself up so he was straddling Dean's thighs. "He should be coming back from the library soon. Shall I leave so you may punish him as the Pizza Man punished the babysitter? You will of course have to assuage the pain with intercourse."

"Cas!" Dean didn't know what to say. What he and Sam had those years ago was gropes in the dark, laced with fear and desperation and a need to feel close to someone. And then Cas had come along after Hell, and between the shit with Ruby, and his shaken faith with Sam, falling into bed with Cas, the angel who was still giving up everything for him, just seemed natural. "Why would you okay with any of this? With me and Sam before. And now...why would you want me to do this with him when we're well...whatever we are?"

"Dean Winchester, I love you. And I love Sam. I know you love me too, and I know despite everything, you love Sam. Love is not a thing meant to be reserved for two people. It is a feeling meant to be shared," Cas said with a light shrug.

"Cas, you don't love me."

Cas frowned. "I thought it was obvious. I have begun to fall because I love too much. Love, of all the human emotions, is the one I know most intimately. You and Sam have a very deep love for one another, the same way you and I feel for one another. Why is this a problem?"

"Did you miss the part where he's my brother?" Dean asked, shoving Cas off and getting to his feet.

"It was not a problem before," Cas said.

"We were _terrified_ that what we were doing was wrong. It was awkward and mind-blowing all at once, but I really doubt Sam's ready to just bend over and let me spank him before getting him off, and even if he was, I couldn't!" Dean turned away from the angel, disgust and guilt coiling together in his gut like a painful mixture. "Can't hurt Sammy like that."

He could almost hear the gears turning in Castiel's head. "This is because of Hell, is it not? From the atrocities you committed down there. You do not want to hurt Sam the way you hurt them, the way others hurt you."

"Cas, stop."

"Perhaps this would be cathartic for you both," Cas said, and when Dean turned to face the angel, he was nodding thoughtfully.

"No, bad idea," Dean said, taking a step towards him.

"I will go speak with Sam and explain my observations. I can stay with you both if it will make you feel more calm," Cas said. "We will return soon, unless you are entirely opposed to it."

His eyes met Dean's, and the hunter knew if he actually said no, gave a good reason, and honestly meant the idea didn't seem at all appealing, Castiel would back off. When they had first fallen into whatever tangled relationship they had, Castiel was eager to try anything and everything, but when Dean's memories of Hell made something difficult or downright impossible, Cas backed off or held him, somehow knowing just what was needed to make him feel calm once more. Why would including Sam be any different?

"If...you can get Sam on board with this mildly insane idea of yours, I'm willing to try," Dean said.

Cas gave a tiny twitch of a smile. "I think this will be beneficial for you both Dean. Truly."

           

-.-

 

Sam closed the book with a sigh, rubbing a hand over his eyes. He picked it up and carried it back to the appropriate shelf before heading towards the exit. The owner of the place had been overly warm and friendly, saying he could leave when he wanted and the doors would lock behind him. He was surprised to see Cas waiting for him outside, then remembered the angel couldn't just pop next to him anymore, as it left him too disoriented most times. He was stuck waiting like a normal human.

"Hey Cas. Dean is back at the motel if-"    

"I am here to speak with you, Sam." Cas' gaze was harsh and unblinking, roaming over Sam's face as though dissecting his facial expression. "Your brother and I already spoke, about you mostly. We realized you have been rather distraught as of late, and believe we have figured out the cause and the remedy. I can explain, or you can trust my judgment."

Sam frowned, head tilting to the side. "This is coming out of nowhere."

"Incorrect. Your behavior has been abnormal for weeks. It is perfectly rational, by human standards, to expect some form of what you call an 'intervention'."

Sam crooked an eyebrow up. "I've been more efficient on hunts than I ever have been before. Why would you want that to _stop?_ "

Cas stepped closer. Apparently, despite his growing similarities with other humans, Cas still lacked basic comprehension of 'personal space'. "You are efficient yes, but upset. Your mental health is not worth a few quicker kills."

"But you...I won't be as useful if I go back to the way I used to be," Sam said quietly.

The look Cas gave him made every guilty feeling he had ever felt rise up in his chest. "Sam Winchester, your worth is not measurable by how _useful_ you are. Such ignorance of one's own glory and power must run in your family."

"Cas, I started the Apocalypse. Where's the glory and power in that? Dean is a righteous man. I...am so far away from that..." Sam trailed off with a helpless shrug.

"You were, perhaps. But you seek forgiveness now, do you not? Dean and I are prepared to forgive you. And when you accept our forgiveness, that is when you will feel better and realize that neither of us plan on leaving you."

Sam frowned and shifted from foot to foot a few times. "Uh, Cas. I don't deserve your forgiveness. Or Dean's. I messed up too bad, you can't...even if Dean's my brother and you're like family you can't just forgive me like that."

"Sam Winchester, you are the only man I know who asks for people not to forgive him. But Dean and I will make you pay. You will be punished, and then perhaps you will allow yourself to be accepted back into the fold," Castiel said with a firm nod. "I am of course, referring to punishment of a sexual nature, as I know of you and your brother's indulgences before he was dragged to Hell."

Sam's frown deepened and he backed away. "Cas-"

"It would not be punishment against your will," Castiel said. "We will only do this if you wish to, Sam."

Sam didn't know what to say, or feel, or _think._ First, there was the fact that Castiel knew what he and Dean had gotten up to when they had first started hunting together again, and he actually didn't _care_ that they were brothers. Then there was the whole...psychoanalyzing thing. 

"Say I did want this...is Dean okay with it?"

"Yes, Dean and I have already spoken about it. He said if you were willing, he was. He cares deeply for you, as I do. You have...made mistakes and disappointed me, but you are a man who has done much good to try and make up for it," Cas said. "Does this mean you agree?"

"Maybe?" Sam bit his lip. "I don't know. I...can we maybe talk this over with Dean present?"

"Of course," Cas said, stepping forward. His finger touched Sam's forehead, barely a whisper, and then they were standing in the motel room, where Dean was reclined on the bed channel surfing, not even jumping when they appeared. Cas stumbled a bit, a side effect of not being at full power, but then he straightened and said, "Dean, Sam would like to speak with you."

Dean pressed the power button and then tossed the remote away, getting to his feet and coming to stand in front of Sam. "I guess Cas gave you the run down of his grand plan?"

"Yeah. But...I wanted to make sure you were okay with it. He said you were but Dean...we haven't...done anything since you got back from Hell and after everything we've been through and everything I've done...I don't get why you would want to be with me like that," Sam said, eyes going to stare at the floor.

And then Dean did something that was so familiar, so longed for, that Sam's chest gave a painful ache. He crowded into Sam's space so that they're knees knocked together and Dean's nose brushed against Sam's jaw in a weird half-nuzzle motion. Instinctively, Sam's broad hands moved to Dean's hips, thumbs rubbing at the bare bit of skin he could reach.

"It's kinda like riding a bike, huh Sammy?" Dean murmured, nosing up to his ear, not kissing or biting, just breathing hot and warm over his skin. "You think I didn't want to be with you? You think I'm disgusted by you? Those stupid FBI profiles got one thing right. I am hopelessly, _erotically_ co-dependent on you. And I've wanted you just as much as I always did, because you're my brother, and I love you."

Sam's breath caught, and his arms tightened around Dean's waist to bring them flush against each other as he buried his face in Dean's neck. "Dean."

"Easy tiger," Dean murmured, a hint of a laugh in his voice. "We'll give you what you need. You want Cas here too?"

Sam nodded into Dean's neck. "Yeah, I want you both. I owe you both."

"You don't owe anybody anything," Dean said, hands running up and down Sam's back. "But we're going to work you over, and punish you, because we love you and we forgive you."

Sam was unable to stop the slow shake of his head. He wanted their forgiveness, yearned for it, but he didn't deserve it, _couldn't_ deserve it. "What do I do?"

Dean pressed his lips to Sam's neck. "Well, Sammy, I think I want you to suck my cock, and then Cas will pick. I think that's what you want to do too, isn't it? Wanna make us happy don't you, baby boy?"

Sam gave a little whine, letting Dean press him down to knees. As cheesy as it was, it was just like riding a bike. Something that had been off inside him finally clicked into place at Dean's words, his tone of voice, and it took all of the bad, scared, and dark feelings inside of him and soothed them away.

Dean sat down on the edge of the bed, undoing his fly and pulling his dick out without pulling his pants down. "Cas, how about you control him. He can get a bit eager, and doesn't remember how to please me right. But you know, don't you Cas?"

Cas' hand twisted into Sam's hair, making the younger give a soft groan as his mouth was guided towards Dean's lap. "Open your mouth, Sam."

Sam obeyed, letting the firm pressure at his head guide him down onto Dean's dick and bob him up and down at a slow place. He was unable to stop his tongue from sliding around every inch that he could taste, wondering how wrong it was that he had actually missed the musky taste of his older brother's cock.

"Deeper," Dean said. "He can take it."

Cas forced him down further, and Sam struggled to relax his throat, gagging a bit. The angel pulled him off until he could get his breathing back under control, a few tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes. Instead of pushing him back though, Cas pulled his head back and began to kiss the tears, tongue lapping up the salt-tinged water before kissing him lightly.

Then he was being pushed back, but without Cas' grip in his hair. Sam took it as a go ahead to wrap one hand around Dean's cock and suck at the tip, tonguing the slit in the way he knew Dean liked, in the way they both liked because it meant that he could get a taste of the older's pre-come. Cas' hand returned to his neck, fingers pressing him deeper again only to ease up after he had only taken a little more into his mouth. Cas kept up the pattern, letting him suck and taste for awhile before pushing him further until the tip of Dean's cock was brushing the back of his throat.

This time, instead of gagging, he took it, letting it slide down his throat before flicking his gaze up to see Dean's face. Dean's hands fisted in the sheets, head thrown back with his mouth open and gasping, but as if he sensed Sam's gaze, he looked down. The heat and lust and _love_ he saw there made Sam's cock throb in sympathy, and then Dean was shifting his hips to wiggle his pants and boxers down a bit before knocking Cas' hands away and sinking his own into Sam's hair. His hips jerked up, pressing Sam down tight as he fucked up into the younger's mouth.

Sam gave a muffled groan, eyes sliding shut as he did his best to let Dean take what he wanted. He couldn't resist the occasional suck as Dean drove his cock down Sam's throat, but it was all he could manage with Dean's punishing pace. With no real warning, he pulled Sam off, releasing his grip so fast that Sam slumped backward and into Castiel's shins.

He watched, licking his lips, as Dean stripped his pants and shirt off, then gestured at Cas. Sam didn't turn when he heard the rustling of cloth behind him, instead letting his gaze trace every muscle he had once traced with his tongue. It had been too long. He wanted to touch, he didn't know if he could wait. He didn't know if he even deserved to.

Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him up to his feet, kissing him hard without a hint of warning. If there was anything Sam missed more than the taste of Dean's cock and his skin, it was the taste of his lips and his mouth, the way Dean's tongue invaded all of his senses and was able to make his knees weak, the way he felt owned and completed all in one simple gesture.

"Cas needs some attention," Dean said once he had pulled away.

And then Sam was back on his knees, only this time it was before Castiel. Sam had never seen Castiel naked, but now he could appreciate all the pale skin stretched over well-defined, sinewy muscle. Cas' hand returned to his hair, but it was gentler than before, more as if he were encouraging instead of forcing. After a moment of hesitation, Sam took the angel's cock into his mouth, bobbing his head and using his hand for what he couldn't reach with his mouth.

Dean got on his knees behind him, his cock pressing against the curve of Sam's ass. He ground back against the older as he sucked, earning himself a sharp slap to his hip as Dean bit his ear.

"No, Sammy, just use your mouth and stop being a tease," Dean ordered. "Open those pretty eyes and look up at Cas so he can see how grateful you are."

Sam knew on some level he should be humiliated and ashamed, but when he looked up at Cas, he did not see disappointment or a smug triumph in the angel's eyes, but instead adoration, and that was when what they were trying to do finally clicked in Sam's head. He was not just a mistake to them. He was not a fuck up. He could do things to please them both, sexual or not. But at the moment...

He pulled back to tease the head of Cas' cock, tasting him thoroughly and enjoying the difference in taste from Dean, but never did his gaze waver from the angel's. On some level, he wondered if he should be worried that sucking his brother's significant other's cock seemed so natural, but it wasn't his job to think. Dean and Cas would do that for him.

"Take him deeper, and play with his balls. He's sensitive," Dean ordered, tonguing the shell of Sam's ear.

Sam obeyed, rolling Cas' balls in one hand and reveling in the low groan of pleasure it earned him. Dean's hands, once on his hips, slid down around to palm Sam's stiffening cock through his pants, and Sam struggled to stay still, struggled to be good and let Dean do as he pleased.

"You're so good, Sammy, but you still need to be punished don't you?" Dean asked, undoing the younger's belt and tugging down his fly. "You disappointed us both you know? We didn't know if we could trust you."

Sam's eyes fluttered shut and he sucked harder at Cas' cock, trying to ignore the low feeling of shame that began to coil in his gut, and not in a good way. Cas' hand slid through his hair, massaging his scalp lightly as if to sooth him.

"But we trust you now," Dean continued, hand sneaking through the slit in Sam's boxers to stroke slow and dry over his cock. "I never really lost my faith in you, Sam. I'm always gonna love you, baby boy. But you need to be punished first."

Sam gave a muffled yelp when Dean pinched the tip of his cock, whimpering around the length in his mouth even as Dean pulled away. He took in a few gasping breaths as Dean pulled him up to his feet and he and Cas began to strip him down in quick, methodical movements. He leaned heavily into Cas' grip as Dean's hand returned to toy with his cock, mouthing at the angel's neck, biting when Dean delivered random light slaps to his balls.

Castiel's hands roamed up and down Sam's back, never ceasing their soothing motions and remaining a sharp contrast to the teasing and harsh touch of Dean's hands. Dean never crossed the line of too much though; he knew Sam too well. Dean pulled him away from Cas, then made him turn so he could kiss him, a lazy, thorough kiss that left Sam more breathless than the myriad of sensations Dean was forcing his body to feel mere moments ago.

"Cas is gonna hold you down," Dean said softly, lips grazing Sam's as their eyes met. "And I'm going to beat your ass red. You can tap out at anytime, I'm not gonna think less of you. We clear?"

Sam nodded, and even through the light haze of endorphins that were beginning to swim through his veins, he was able to see the vulnerability in Dean's gaze. "Are you sure this is something you can do?" He crowded closer into Dean's space, hands sliding over any bit of skin he could get at.

"Yeah," Dean said softly. "With you and Cas here, I'm fine."

Sam nodded, then let his gaze drop, letting Dean know he was back in control, that he was ready to pay for what he did and maybe be forgiven. Cas grabbed Sam's arm and tugged him towards the bed, pausing as they stood beside it to give him another kiss before sitting down with his back propped up against the headrest. He positioned Sam in between his legs, then eased him down to press his face against Castiel's thigh, ass positioned high in the air with his cock heavy and dripping between his legs.

"I want you to suck my cock, Sam," Cas said lowly. "Just for now."

"Yes, Castiel," Sam said, glancing up at him before moving to suck Castiel's cock down to the root, bobbing his head eagerly even as Dean rooted around behind them for something.

He heard the clink of a belt and shivered on reflex, muscles jumping in his back as Cas ran a hand over him. Sam tongued at the slit of Cas' dick as Dean's hands slid warm over his ass, caressing for a moment before pulling his cheeks apart and licking a broad stripe over his hole. A harsh groan tore out of Sam's throat and he sucked harder at the length in his mouth, whimpering as Dean's tongue pressed and stroked at his entrance until Sam was whimpering and writhing between the two.

Dean pulled back, hand giving a light smack against his thigh. "Let Cas' dick go. I know you like having your pretty little lips wrapped around it, but I need your mouth free."

Sam did as ordered, instead just nuzzling the length. Cas gave a contented hum, hand stroking through his hair as Dean moved behind him. The first slap of the belt along his ass made him cry out, jolting forward and shivering, only to have Cas force him back and down with a steady hand. Another crack of the belt and the tears began to fall.

"Tell me why you're being punished," Dean said softly, hands running over Sam's ass as he set the belt down on the bed.

It took Sam a moment to get his breathing back under control, but finally he was able to speak. "Because I messed up."

Dean's hand cracked down over one of the stripes left from the belt, breaking a gasping groan free of Sam's lips. "And how did you mess up?"

Sam pressed his forehead into Cas' thigh, biting at the skin as a few more tears leaked out of his eyes. "I didn't listen. I didn't trust you. I listened to someone else before you."

Another stinging smack had Sam crying out and fighting against Cas' grip that held him down, shoulders pressed to the mattress. Dean rained four more slaps, two on each cheek, onto Sam's ass, and a coil of shame burned in Sam's stomach at how the slaps only made his cock harder.

"So beautiful, Sammy," Dean murmured, hands running over the burning red of Sam's skin as he waited for Sam to calm down. "I see how eager you are to be forgiven. See how hard your dick throbs when you know you're getting punished for what you did wrong. Do you think you deserve to be forgiven yet?"

"No," Sam whispered, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that were beginning to run down his face faster. "I don't deserve it."

Castiel's hand ran through his hair and down to the nape of his neck, massaging at the tightened muscle. "You are wrong Sam. You do deserve to be forgiven. We all make mistakes, but you are not a bad person."

"Yes I am," Sam murmured. He rubbed his face against the bed sheets.

Dean gave short growl, then his hand was smacking down hard against Sam's ass, making the younger bite at the bed sheet, nails biting into his own palms. "No you're not Sammy. You're not a bad person. You're my brother. I love you."

Sam shook his head, a sob breaking out of his chest. "You're wrong. I need to be p-punished Dean. Please."

"You are being punished, baby boy," Dean said, pressing his lips to the small of Sam's back. "But you're not being punished because of what you did. You're being punished because you won't accept that you're a good person. You won't accept that I've already forgiven you."

"No," Sam said softly. "I don't deserve your forgiveness Dean. I don't deserve yours either Castiel."

Castiel tugged at Sam's hair, urging him up so that they were almost level. "You do. You're a strong man. You were misguided. But you must accept our forgiveness so that you may forgive yourself."

"I can't," Sam murmured.

Castiel wiped away a few of his tears. "Accept our forgiveness Sam. We forgive you. You don't have to be sorry anymore." He pressed his lips to Sam's, tongue sliding into his mouth for a slow and thorough taste.

Dean's hands slid up his back and pulled him away so that he could steal a kiss as well. It took awhile, but after a few minutes, Sam began to wind back down, tears drying on his face as Dean's tongue slid against his, the occasional nip at his bottom lip.

"I forgive you, Sam," Dean murmured as he pulled back. "Now you gotta forgive yourself."

When Sam met Dean's eyes, his chest tightened. His older brother had the look in his eyes that Sam had been longing to see for months. The look that said "I love you, I'll do anything for you, nothing is going to break us apart." Sam lunged forward, kissing him hard, once, before pulling back. "Thank you."

"Never stopped loving you, baby brother," Dean said softly, hands moving to cup Sam's face. "Never stopped loving you. Don't think I can. You got that?"

Sam nodded, a small smile forming on his lips as Cas moved to press up against his back, cock rubbing over his sore ass. "Cas?"

"I forgive you too," Castiel said, lipping at Sam's jaw. "Do you accept my forgiveness, Sam?"

"Yeah, I do," Sam said, reclining back into Castiel's firm grip as Dean's lips pressed to his neck on the opposite side of where Castiel was.

"Do you forgive yourself?" Castiel asked, lips moving to nip at his earlobe.

Sam didn't answer for a moment, but finally he breathed, "No, I can't."

"Yes you can," Castiel said. "Dean, pass me the lube please."

Dean disappeared from the front, leaving Sam's front cool, but a moment later he was back, pressing the lube into Castiel's hand before capturing Sam's lips in a kiss. Unlike the kisses before, this one was hot and heavy, all teeth and forceful tongue that Sam arching up towards Dean, groaning into his mouth as Cas slid a lubed up finger into his entrance.

"Cas..." Sam pushed back, biting down on Dean's lip and tugging as he worked his hips back.

Castiel's hand smacked down on the side of his thigh, the flare of pain making Sam jerk against Dean, who's arms had wrapped around the younger's waist. "Have you forgiven yourself yet, Sam?"

Sam's trembling arms wrapped around Dean's neck and he shook his head.

Cas licked a broad stripe up Sam's spine, biting at the base of his neck before pressing his lips tight against Sam's ear. "Then let me do as I please, and don't get pushy. When you have realized how beautiful you are, how good you are, then you can take what you want."

Sam nodded his consent, unsure if he could ever be convinced that he was good or _beautiful_ or whatever else Cas thought, but willing to let them use him in anyway that would give them pleasure. Cas continued to pump the single finger into him, and this time, Sam did his best to hold still outside kissing and sucking at Dean's neck.

Castiel pulled him back, hands moving to his waist and pulling him back so that he was straddling Castiel's lap in reverse, the angel's cock rubbing against his hole for a brief moment, making a spark of pleasure burn hot in Sam's stomach. Then Cas was pushing him down, finger sliding back into his hole as Dean moved on his knees towards Sam. Sam lifted his head before Dean said anything, sucking down the cock offered to him. He sucked, but not with the intent of getting Dean off, instead just doing it to tease and make his brother feel good while Cas prepared him.

"You're so beautiful like this, Sammy," Dean said, giving slow, shallow thrusts into Sam's mouth. "I can't wait to see Cas take you. Can't wait to see him open you up with his dick, make you ride it until you're begging to come. Gonna look so good, Sammy."

Sam tried to ignore the warm feeling unfurling in his chest at Dean's praise, closing his eyes and bobbing his head a bit faster. Dean gave a low chuckle, hand going down to fist in his hair, forcing him to go at a slower pace as Cas slipped in a second finger, scissoring and stretching Sam's hole.

"You don't like hearing what a good job you're doing, do you?" Dean mused. "But you are. You've done so well. You took your punishment so well, and you're pleasing me and Cas so well. You've made it up to us."

Dean's voice was lulling, and Sam, instead of fighting the feeling, let the words wash over him and his mind drift. Dean would take care of him. Cas would take care of him. They loved him. They had forgiven him, it was okay. He barely even noticed when Cas slid three fingers out, the angel having stretched him with another finger without his notice.

The older brother tugged Sam up, pressing their hips and chests together as he brought him into another kiss. Cas pressed against his back, cock nudging at his entrance, but this time Sam didn't jerk back into it, contenting himself with what Cas and Dean were giving him. He couldn't take what he wanted until he had forgiven himself, but he didn't know if he could do that. So he'd take what they gave.

"Cas..." The angel's name left Sam's lips in a heavy moan into Dean's mouth as the angel pressed inside, slow and steady until he was buried in the larger human to the hilt.

"That feel good, Sammy?" Dean asked against his lips, smiling a bit as Cas pulled out and pushed back in, the motion driving Sam's hips against Dean's, their cocks sliding together.

"Y-Yeah," Sam gasped out, ducking his head to nibble at Dean's neck as Castiel's cock bumped against his sweet spot. "Castiel..."

"You're so tight around me, Sam," Castiel said, chest to Sam's back. His voice was low, and Sam could feel it rumbling in his chest. "You are beautiful." His lips pressed to the side of Sam's neck, hands sliding down to his hips before giving a particularly hard thrust and nailing the younger's prostate.

"C-Castiel! God..." Sam couldn't help himself any longer, and began to grind back onto the angel's dick as his hands fisted in Dean's hair, a whimper falling from his lips.

Castiel's hand cracked down against his ass, teeth sinking into his collarbone. "Don't. Move."

The order sent a full body shiver throughout Sam, but other than that, he didn't move again. Dean's hands pet down his back as Castiel began to fuck into him again, harder than before, and faster, so he jarred up hard against Dean's hips.

"You should see his face, Sammy," Dean murmured, low and hot in his ear. "He's biting his lip, eyes closed, jaw tight from how much pleasure he's getting out of pounding your ass. Can't wait to slide in when he's done. He's gonna leave you so wet with his cum, and I'm going to slide right in. You're so good to us, Sam. Letting us do this. Don't you think you should forgive yourself?"

Sam could barely register the question over the whimpers and moans spilling out of his mouth as Cas drilled against his prostate, but finally, as Cas paused and rotated his hips to massage Sam's walls with his cock, he gasped out. "Yes. Y-Yes, I forgive myself."

He could feel Cas smile between his shoulders, Dean against his neck, and then Cas was pulling him back so he was straddling Cas' waist with his back to the angel's chest. He slumped back, burrowing his face in the angel's neck as Dean's hands rested along his waist, pulling his hips up before easing him back down. Cas gave shallow thrusts, matching Dean's rhythm, which was slower than before.

"You gonna come?" Dean asked, grinding Sam's hips down.

Sam felt Dean's gaze heavy on him as he sucked into Cas' neck. At Dean's words, Sam became acutely aware of the pleasure that hummed deep in his veins, a sensation he had blocked out in favor of making sure he pleased his brother and the angel.

"I can hold it a bit longer," Sam mumbled into Cas' neck.

"Good. Then ride his cock until he gets off," Dean ordered, voice gruff.

Sam opened his eyes, pulling forward and bracing his hands on Cas' shins. He raised his hips up, easing them back down slowly once before falling into a rhythm. His gaze fell to Dean, who was stroking his cock with languid motions as he watched the two in front of him.

"I can't hold on much longer," Cas said breathlessly, arms twining around Sam's middle loosely, barely hindering the younger's rolling hips.

"Don't. Wanna feel you come," Sam said, slumping forward a bit and driving his hips down, squeezing his hole around the angel's cock tight.

Cas gave a low grown, biting into the skin of Sam's back as his hips jerked up, cock pumping out several thick spurts of cum. No sooner had he finished, Dean was tugging him off and easing him down onto his side. Then Dean sliding up behind Sam and lifting one of his legs to slide his own cock home before any of the angel's cum could leak out.

Sam moaned, biting his bottom lip as Dean fucked into him, slow and deep, aided by the slick Cas had left behind. Cas took a moment to recover from the sensation of coming inside the youngest brother, and then pressed up against Sam's front, stealing his lips for a kiss. It was sloppy and wet, tongues tangling as Sam gasped and whimpered at Dean's cock inside him, and Cas' talented fingers playing over his own hard dick.

"You look good like this, baby boy," Dean murmured against his ear. "Giving those fucked out little moans into Cas' mouth. We both like hearing them too. We like knowing how good we can make you feel."

"Dean," Sam breathed, arching his head back in search of a kiss.

Dean gave it to him as Cas continued to stroke his cock, but then he pulled away, burying his face into Sam's neck and adding to the shocks of pleasure running throughout his body by nipping at his skin. "Love you Sam. Never stopped loving you. Always gonna love you."

He fucked deep as Cas pinched the head of his cock, and with a choked off moan, Sam began to cum, hips jerking helplessly back against Dean and up into Castiel's hands. Barely a moment after, Dean spilled inside him, plastering sloppy, wet kisses along Sam's neck as he did so.

Sam's eyes drifted close as Dean pulled out of him, but flew open once more when he was rolled onto his back and his legs were spread open, Dean kneeling between them and sliding his tongue over the younger's leaking entrance.

"Dean..." he started.

"Want to, Sammy, so shush," Dean said, giving a cheesy wink before sliding back down and sliding his slick tongue inside.

Sam gave a keening cry, one hand moving down to fist in Dean's hair, the other clawing at Cas' arm. He was oversensitive, and Dean's tongue wasn't gentle, plunging in and licking up the release that had been left behind, and then the older was leaning over him to kiss Castiel. Sam's cock gave a valiant twitch when he realized Dean was sharing the taste of their release with the angel, but he knew there was no way round two was happening.

With a soft sigh, Cas pulled back, his lips slick and wet as he smiled at Dean. Dean snuck another quick kiss in before moving to lay on top of Sam, nuzzling his throat.

"You doing okay, Sam?" he asked as Cas laid down against Sam's side, arm sliding over Dean's back.

"Yeah...doing great," Sam said. His legs twined with Dean's. "Thanks. I...both of you. Thanks."

"We just wanted you to see what we have been trying to tell you," Cas said quietly as he tucked his face into Sam's shoulder. "We do love you, Sam."

"I love you too," Sam said softly.

Castiel moved for a moment to take Sam's lips in a gentle kiss, fingers stroking along his jaw for a moment, before Dean stole him away, sucking at Sam's bottom lip before tucking his face back into the younger's neck.

"So no more pouting, got that?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, sure," Sam said with a snort of amusement.

"If Sam's pouting results in this, I cannot say I am entirely opposed," Castiel said, and Sam could feel the curve of the angel's smile in his skin.

"You've made a regular pervert out of him, haven't you Dean? Do you have to corrupt everything you touch?" Sam asked.

Dean nipped the younger's collarbone in retaliation. "No, just the really good things, right Cas?"

"I don't understand that reference," Castiel said, but he was still smiling.

Dean shoved the angel, giving a soft huff of indignation before both of them settled back in against Sam. As they drifted off to sleep in a sweaty, but warm and contented bundle, Sam thought that perhaps, now that they had forgiven him, and he had forgiven himself, they could be something like the family that all of them, on some level, had yearned for. A twisted, slightly fucked up family, but a family he knew he could trust. A family that could trust him. If he had their trust and love, he didn't need anything else. 


End file.
